Around June of last year, I started to feel ready again. Whenever the decision is made to open up your heart again to great love, and potentially great loss, it brings about the cautious optimism that often accompanies “We’re trying again.” My heart was ready in June, and our newest rainbow baby was ready in November.
3 days after Thanksgiving, I got the “yes.” After that, I got a case of “Now what?!”
We told our families early, but kept it a secret in general for as long as my body would cooperate. Because it’s my third pregnancy, I started gently showing around 6 weeks. By 10 weeks, I was running out of big sweaters.
By 14 weeks, I was ready to tell everyone.
During my pregnancy with Gracie, I wanted to wait until after we got the “all-clear from any signs of CDH/Fryns” at our anatomy scan. This time, I just felt ready sooner.
I think I realized early on with this pregnancy that nothing in pregnancy is ever for sure…that I’m not in charge, so why not celebrate this life with everyone? It’s still a life, no matter what happens. At 18 weeks, we were blessed with an ultrasound free of any signs of CDH. I’ve been so busy with Gracie, it hit me at once: this new one, she’s coming.
At 22 weeks, this little one is starting to dance. I’m getting my typical cravings for cheese and meats and buffalo sauce, and all the sweets I see. I’m remembering to work in carrots and avocados, and the occasional green juice. I’m tapering my running, and I plan to stop completely at 24 weeks. Walking fast and uphill feels so nice. I am nesting like crazy, and I don’t mind at all. I’m completely in awe of and thankful for this next new life that I am growing inside my belly.
This morning, I woke up earlier than normal and just felt her dance in my belly like a butterfly. She’s already a happy one. She’s so loved and so wanted. No matter what, children are always a blessing. She’s my next rainbow, our newest little girl, and August can’t come soon enough.
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