Category: grief and loss
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For Cooper: tomorrow is your due date
Tomorrow is your due date; I instinctively suspected we wouldn’t make it that far once we first got the news. It’s the date I recited before each weekly ultrasound, echoing with familiarity as I watched your fluid levels drop with each measurement. It’s the date I circled in my planner, back before we knew, which…
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it’s not you, it’s me: living in a high-risk pregnancy
To the well-meaning stranger who asks when my baby is due: there is a reason I avert my eyes. I instinctively touch the head of my 2-year-old as you ask the age gap. You remark how full my hands will be, and I hope you are right; full hands is the goal. But just in…
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i am not brave
I am not brave, not by myself. I didn’t choose this. I do this because I have to. There is so much I don’t know, but I do know that everything always works for good. His good is not in earthly terms. I know impossible things happen. I also know impossible good doesn’t always…
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when words fail
It is June, somehow. I feel like I am poking my head out of a warped cavity of time, realizing what has passed by. Enough emotions to fill years, since Easter of 2019, my world has been shifting sharply. A surprise pregnancy in February left me open and vulnerable in a way I had not…
my western nest 