Category: parenting after loss
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you will not be bitter
Even when you see it coming, falling into a painful season of life is miserable. Muscles can’t grow unless they break. Flowers can’t grow without dirt. But despite how many black-and-white mugs we desperately grasp with sayings like this, filled with coffee in the morning and wine and whatever time it becomes acceptable, it doesn’t…
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i am not brave
I am not brave, not by myself. I didn’t choose this. I do this because I have to. There is so much I don’t know, but I do know that everything always works for good. His good is not in earthly terms. I know impossible things happen. I also know impossible good doesn’t always…
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“in pieces:” to the mama who lost her baby, for Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day of 2013 wasn’t originally on my radar as a day that would be difficult after my loss. It just wasn’t a day that I gave much thought until around Easter. That’s when the cards started appearing at the grocery stores. The jewelry adds appeared out of nowhere during my evening shows. I couldn’t…
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“in pieces” – bringing home a baby after your loss
In case you haven’t heard: it is hard to bring home a baby from the hospital. Like, really hard. Babies are the great levelers: they come into the world, take one look at everything we have made perfect, and level it to rubble. Yet, lost in a sea of dirty diapers, tears from everyone, and…
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imposter syndrome and motherhood
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. I hoped for it, and after our loss, I prayed it was still in the cards. In this, as my “rainbow baby” pregnancy with Gracie was coming to a close, I sat in the hospital bed perplexed. Perfect pregnancy, healthy baby…I finally…
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“in pieces:” loving your body after loss
This is a hard season for self-love. Images of perceived perfection dance slightly out of reach as companies work to profit off our self-doubts. Nothing about our physical bodies drastically changes as December flips to January; yet as the year turns over, we are suddenly in drastic need of fixing. Whether it be an early…
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Christmas in pieces: to the mama who lost her baby
Christmas of 2013 was a season that shaped me forever. As the lights were beginning to twinkle, the cards being written, and the trees cut, we lost our first daughter. As quickly as she entered the world, she left. I was reduced to ashes, small little pieces of a broken mama, unsure where to start.…
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seeking to bloom
Life now feels simple most days, but this hasn’t always been the case. In this, it’s easy for me to recognize that we currently in a time of abundance. We love our home, our little family is healthy and strong, we have more than we need to live well, and our marriage is solid. This…
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tiny shoes to fill
It was the summer of 2013, and the mood in our apartment was light and celebratory. My first pregnancy had made it to 14 weeks, and Jon and I were certain we were “in the clear.” In an attempt to shield our family and friends from any pain a miscarriage would bring, we hadn’t yet…
my western nest 