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“in pieces:” to the mama who lost her baby, for Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day of 2013 wasn’t originally on my radar as a day that would be difficult after my loss. It just wasn’t a day that I gave much thought until around Easter. That’s when the cards started appearing at the grocery stores. The jewelry adds appeared out of nowhere during my evening shows. I couldn’t…
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a letter to myself, before motherhood
I have always been enchanted by observation. Somber moments of self-reflection are something that came instinctually to me early in life, as I sat in the bathtub and wondered how I could be sure that I wasn’t the only real person on Earth. (That was a tough one. ) Every time a significant life…
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to my spirited child
I was destined to have a spirited child; I was one myself. When my tiny newborn girl was placed in my arms four short years ago, I saw myself. I knew her. She proclaimed her presence proudly to that hospital floor; she was earth-side, and she had a lot to say. She was given a…
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reactionary motherhood – meet them, don’t match them
I am my least favorite version of myself when I am mad; I lost my cool in the car with the girls the other day. We were on the way home from daycare and running errands, and with my internal patience reserves running low, I lost it all over a noise someone was making. That’s…
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don’t fear failure: one second matters
The person I have the hardest time reasoning with is myself. I can work to convince my inner self not to try for something; but when that something is genuinely is something I need, I can’t get it out of my heart. When I hear that something echoing in my head when I fall…
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“in pieces” – bringing home a baby after your loss
In case you haven’t heard: it is hard to bring home a baby from the hospital. Like, really hard. Babies are the great levelers: they come into the world, take one look at everything we have made perfect, and level it to rubble. Yet, lost in a sea of dirty diapers, tears from everyone, and…
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i don’t always play with my kids
We’ve heard that play is the work of childhood. It’s such a beautiful sentiment. And sometimes, if we are being honest, I feel like I mess play up. Because for kids, play is magical. It is an institution, both a verb and a noun, a language for them to process how their little selves fit…
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the 3 lies of multitasking
Because doing it all doesn’t make me supermom, it just makes me super tired.
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“in pieces:” pregnancy after loss
Pregnancy after loss is a great paradox, laced with the highest highs and lowest lows. We grieve what was, and we grieve what was not. March is Pregnancy After Loss Awareness month. I aim to share three parts of my pregnancy after loss that I found challenging.
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my western nest 