Tag: rainbow baby
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it’s not you, it’s me: living in a high-risk pregnancy
To the well-meaning stranger who asks when my baby is due: there is a reason I avert my eyes. I instinctively touch the head of my 2-year-old as you ask the age gap. You remark how full my hands will be, and I hope you are right; full hands is the goal. But just in…
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when words fail
It is June, somehow. I feel like I am poking my head out of a warped cavity of time, realizing what has passed by. Enough emotions to fill years, since Easter of 2019, my world has been shifting sharply. A surprise pregnancy in February left me open and vulnerable in a way I had not…
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to my spirited child
I was destined to have a spirited child; I was one myself. When my tiny newborn girl was placed in my arms four short years ago, I saw myself. I knew her. She proclaimed her presence proudly to that hospital floor; she was earth-side, and she had a lot to say. She was given a…
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“in pieces” – bringing home a baby after your loss
In case you haven’t heard: it is hard to bring home a baby from the hospital. Like, really hard. Babies are the great levelers: they come into the world, take one look at everything we have made perfect, and level it to rubble. Yet, lost in a sea of dirty diapers, tears from everyone, and…
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“in pieces:” pregnancy after loss
Pregnancy after loss is a great paradox, laced with the highest highs and lowest lows. We grieve what was, and we grieve what was not. March is Pregnancy After Loss Awareness month. I aim to share three parts of my pregnancy after loss that I found challenging.
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“in pieces:” losing a baby changed our marriage
For better or for worse, in sickness and in health. We say it and we mean it, but nothing will truly prepare you to see your spouse broken. As you watch the face you know so well fall, you feel their heart shatter. You catch little glimpses of the parent they want to be, but…
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smile at your baby
“A smile is the universal welcome.” Max Eastman When Gracie was first born, I was forced to come to terms with how scared I was to be a mom again. I was learning to parent with a heart that knew the sting of massive loss. In a way, I was a first-time mom, but I…
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seeking to bloom
Life now feels simple most days, but this hasn’t always been the case. In this, it’s easy for me to recognize that we currently in a time of abundance. We love our home, our little family is healthy and strong, we have more than we need to live well, and our marriage is solid. This…
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thank-you to my toddler
It’s hard to believe that my pregnancy with your sister is entering the last month. It feels like yesterday that I got that positive test. I picked you up from daycare and whispered “you’re going to be a big sister,” and you whispered “baby.” All those rough first-trimester afternoons where I held you close on…
my western nest 